All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sarcasm needs its own font
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
