Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
