why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
