Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
