I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize