No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
