meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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