I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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