I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
