she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
