U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
