im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
