I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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