finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
