Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
