Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
