just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
