So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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