"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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