my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
