Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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