I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize