Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
