I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
