Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
