I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
