So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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