Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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