i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
