my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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