no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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