dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
