When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
