They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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