Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You left your phone here
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