:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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