Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
