Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
