You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
