brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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