It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
