Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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