his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
