Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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