he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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