So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
