so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
