I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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