Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
