please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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