when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
