I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
