i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
