just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
