Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
