i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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