he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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