Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
