Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
be right there i have to get my cape
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
