So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You smell like stripper and shame
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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