Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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