My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
