I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
