You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
