God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize