i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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