so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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