haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
