Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
