I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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