Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
