last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
