Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
