I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
