Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
