I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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