I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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