Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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