Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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