he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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