my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
