I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
