My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
