I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize