my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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