Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
