well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
