Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
