i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
