names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize