At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
