headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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