Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
