Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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