He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
