I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
