I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
