Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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