my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
