Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
