can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
