sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
