He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm passing your future prison.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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