For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
